Borrowed Heaven
by Alithea
Summary: On her last day alive Tohru reflects on the past and her one true love. Shoujoai content. Tohru&Saya.


**Title: Borrowed Heaven  
****Fandom: X/1999  
****Pairing: Saya/Tohru  
****Rating: PG-13  
****Poetry is mine.  
****Characters are not mine I am just borrowing.**

_The sky above and the earth below our feet  
__The Fates willing us to meet  
__Giving us reason and destiny cold  
__But I do not believe they were ever told  
__Of the borrowed heaven we chanced to find  
__The minute I saw you and made you mine  
__And though our time is short and shall pass  
__Though we must travel separate paths  
__Take care in knowing I have no regrets  
__As I take my last steps, and breathe my last breaths  
__In our borrowed time I told you true  
__There is nothing I would not do for you_

Flames…

The dreams had become more frequent now that her son was older, and though he was still rather young, Torou was very aware that she would be leaving him soon. She would have to step into the flames and sacrifice herself for her son. It had been the duty of her family to be sacrifices for others, dolls to protect those of importance. Her son was the most important person alive. His choices after her death would shape the world. His choices would make him miserable, but that was something she tried not to think about. She had done everything possible for him. She could only hope he choose for the best.

The world would either end or find salvation by his hands, his choices.

Tohru pulled her self out of bed after dreaming of the fire again. It stuck in her mind a vivid and unwavering picture as she meandered into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. The image was so constant that she realized her death would occur that night.

There was no doubting it.

Her time had come.

Shutting her brown eyes she thought of what the after life was going to be like. If there were any justice in the world death would bring her to the one she loved. For a moment she felt an unfamiliar twinge of fear and it made her frown slightly. She could not remember the last time she had feared her own death. Her training as a child had made her fearless and when she had accepted her fate her only fears had been for her son. Her fears were for those affected by his choices. Perhaps she was afraid that she would not be granted her hearts desire upon entering the afterlife. Perhaps she feared that in the death there would be nothing but darkness.

Opening her eyes she shook the melancholy from her thoughts. Life was what was, and her little pieces of borrowed time were all used up. There was no sense in fearing. If she had a lived a life full of sin she might have more reason to fear, but she had not. She had done everything that Destiny asked of her. Not fighting the future in order to deliver the future's salvation to it.

With a deep breath the brunette finished making breakfast and after a light hearted chat sent her teenage son off to school. She made sure to take extra time with him. Looking into his eyes she saw how much of his world she occupied. Her death would hurt him deeply and it would take him a long time before he could understand why, why she had to do it.

For moment after her son left Tohru was not sure what she wanted to do with her day. She only had until the early evening and then she would have to return, making sure she arrived well before her son did. She would have to use her magic to keep him from trying to save her. It would not be easy, he was very strong, but it would be for the best.

After collecting her thoughts she made up her mind and moved to the window to look out at the clear blue sky. Her choices had been so much easier to make in the past. Perhaps it was because she was young and knew exactly how much time she had and how precious it was.

She regretted nothing.

She knew what her destiny was going to be once she made her choice. She just never knew the smaller details, the things that would she would carry in her heart forever.

_She loves me  
__Under the cool blue sky  
__Away from the world  
__Making me her own  
__With deep kisses  
__And a soft touch  
__Whispering her dreams  
__The ones that won't come true  
__She loves me  
__Under the light of the moon  
__Away from the life we are forced to live  
__Making me a sinner  
__With her sweet tongue  
__In her cool arms  
__Whispering her fears  
__The ones no one else can hear  
__She loves me  
__And she loves me  
__Parting with the dawn  
__Watching from afar with dark eyes  
__Claiming me as I walk away  
__Drifting back into our set places  
__Waiting for another moment, another life  
__When she can love me_

Torou walked down to the park and found a shady spot under a tree to sit. She leaned back against the sturdy trunk and shut her eyes. Half asleep in deep thought there was only one person that came to mind. It was Saya. It always seemed to be Saya that invaded her thoughts when she was thinking too much. Shy, obedient Saya, who always called herself weak, but honestly, Torou had never met anyone so strong.

She had met Saya in high school where they became friends and then lovers. Torou had been adverse to taking lovers or making lasting connections given her destiny. She was not sure she could do the responsible thing in the end and the thought made her open her eyes and chuckle a little bitterly.

All that time she had spent deciding and arguing was precious time wasted.

In the end, she had to ask Saya to do the responsible thing. Her lover's words still rang in her ears from the day she had told Saya to marry into the Monou family. They cut at her even still. It was the sad but understanding smile that had crept across the blonde's face. Saya just nodded in obedience and said, "I will do anything for you."

And she never complained, and she was never afraid. Even when Saya knew she was going to die, and die gruesomely, she never showed her fear. She always said it was because she had made her choice within the first ten minutes of meeting Torou. That short time was all it took for her to know that she would do anything for the one she loved, anything at all. Saya could die happy and without regret because she was doing all she could for the one she loved.

Torou grimaced and checked her watch. A song popped into her head and she wondered why. She spoke the words softly, "And I liked it so well that for all I can tell I may never come down again. I may never come down to earth again."

She stood up and leaned against the tree watching as a group of children ran by with kites. Remembering how happy she was that she could watch Saya be a mother, and how much she learned from that simple act of watching. Those fleeting moments when it was just the two of them at a park watching their children play together. Pretending that the future had not been foretold nor destinies written, and although nothing was exactly set in stone there was a permanence to what she knew.

There was a time when she did not have to pretend. There was a time when it was just the two of them arguing on the roof of their high school. Torou pushed all the reasons why they could never be together, not the way Saya wanted. Torou pushing, in the hopes it would make Saya go away, because she did not want those burdens to fall on her friend.

It was all too late though. Everything had been decided. Saya had decided after ten minutes.

She remembered how completely off guard she had been taken when the young blonde rushed into her arms and kissed her so deeply that she thought she had left the planet. Saya's kiss made promises and it led to others that were longer, passion filled acceptances of things to come.

Torou could have drowned under those first kisses. They were nothing compared to the ocean of them that would follow in the days and weeks to come. Those wonderful kisses, soft and sweet, that left Torou breathless for days on end. Kisses that ended in nights of passion under star filled skies. Kisses that offered everything Saya was feeling that she could not say out loud.

There was hardly anything better back in those days. Those days ended much too soon, Torou had thought, though she never said a thing. She wished she had.

_I'll go my life living a lie  
__Dying I'll change my form  
__The punishment I can take  
__With fins instead of feet  
__I will visit witches for the chance to see you again  
__And in the end when I see you love another  
__I will dive back into the ocean  
__And become the foam upon the shore  
__Because I love you  
__Without fear  
__Without out doubt_

Torou sat in a small café she had wandered to and sipped her coffee. She checked her watch periodically enjoying the feel of the energy in the café. Watching people live, people who would never be burdened with knowing the future. After a few hours she got up from her seat leaving behind her unfinished beverage to walk back to her house.

She wondered if Death were watching her, or if she just wanted to believe that as the time approached.

It was hard to say.

As she walked along the street she could see flashes of how it was going to happen. In some ways it was funny, and in others it was very sad. After all, the fire was not supposed to be set by her hand. She was merely taking her son's place. She was a sacrifice, and so long as Death got someone that was all that seemed to matter.

Once she was back inside the house she locked all the doors and shut the windows. It was very close to her time. She could almost feel the flames lapping across her skin, the burning embers flying up about her form. It was probably going to be painful.

She tried not to think about it.

The day before Saya had died Torou tried to argue her. She wanted to be foolish, keeping her friend and lover from harm by taking the burden on herself. She never thought she would act so foolish and desperately but in the end she was brought to her senses by Saya, who merely touched her arm in reassurance. Smiling as she did when she had made up her mind about something. She kissed Toru lightly on the mouth and said, "I am your sacrifice so that you can be his."

And she was not sure how she managed to accept those words without crying, but it was already done. They had made their choices. They had accepted a preordained destiny with open arms, fully aware of all the consequence.

Saya had made her choice under a bright blue sky on the roof of their high school, and she sealed it with a kiss. She never took it back because she knew that it was important. Torou had made her choice as well, long before that, under a darker sky, in a dream she knew was true.

It was all done.

It was set.

There was no turning back, and her sorrow for her lost lover and for her son left her. Saya had known what she was doing. Kamui would find his own way, and she knew that no matter what he chose she would be very proud of him, always.

With true clarity of mind, Torou moved over to the stove and turned on the gas. Then she lit a match, and as the flames burst up and billowed all around her she used the last of her strength and calm to summon her magic to keep her son from getting too close to the fire, keeping him safe.

She could feel him rushing towards the house.

She could hear him calling out.

Torou gave him her love. She told him to go to Tokyo, to accept his destiny. And then she turned away from him as the flames rose and the fire grew. She looked up into the night sky and she found a constellation, a mermaid that seemed to swim through the sea of the black night towards her. She reached out and shut her eyes. For a moment before everything washed away she thought she could feel someone touch her hand.

_I told you once  
__I said I'd love you forever  
__Forever is waiting  
__Shall we swim together in this ocean of stars  
__You told me once  
__You told me you'd love me forever  
__Shall we dance together under the twinkle of a million lights  
__Forever is waiting  
__In my arms  
__In your arms  
__And in forever  
__We can have what once we were denied_

End.


End file.
